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Nino: Say something funny please.
Ohno: (In English) Government.
Ohno walks out.
Cameraman: Government...
Nino: That wasnapos;t funny at all.
pause
Nino: Well, thatapos;s how he is, when I ask him to do things.


Why do I find that so wonderful?

I stayed up way too late last night and gave myself the worst headache stomach pains ever, which led to me not going to my classes, which I would normally freak out and be ridiculously stressed over... But I canapos;t bring myself to care. That is how much I dislike said classes and this school and being here in general. SO LETapos;S HOPE I CAN GET MY TRANSFER APPLICATIONS COMPLETED ON TIME.

Because this sort of thing is dangerous, and very unlike me, as I am an academic nerd to the extreme.

I kind of want to punch things when I think about my British Literature class. It was described as a class about the Romantic era to modern day, and all weapos;ve done so far is Romantic period poetry. THIS IS THE 5th WEEK of 10 I have a midterm exam on Wednesday about just this crap - which I donapos;t grasp all that well and knew that, hence why I didnapos;t take the fucking poetry class that was offered. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO DO TO ME? If I get a B and my GPA comes down, I will have another spaz attack. Iapos;m that perfectionist, damn it.

Though I really love Keats.

"Thou foster child of silence and slow time"

Itapos;s just a little bit too relevant right now and ends up depressing the hell out of me. "Ode on a Grecian Urn" in general is really dark if you interpret it as such. "That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know". Except Iapos;m not allowed to use my feelings or experiences in my interpretations. Thatapos;s why most English classes make me hate what I normally enjoy.

Lack of sleep clearly makes me cranky. Time to stare at the cornucopia of Nino pictures floating about my hard drive - the ones I have no idea what to do with other than drool over.

I LOVE FALL. I wish I were home, where there is actually foliage. Though perhaps Iapos;ll go to Old City later and sit around all the historical buildings and think "Thanksgiving is coming soon A holiday Ben Franklin, the mascot of Philadelphia, would hate immensely. Because he loves turkeys."
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I signed the contract and i will be flying to singapore on november 29 to start a new life.

there are a couple of things i wanna do do before i leave bangkok for good--

1. Watch the kylie concert which sinny and portia missed (or WILL BE missing but they got singapore tix naman so all good)
2. Go to Krabi island Nov 8 - 11
3. Go to samet island sometime in nov

facebook is so tsismoso so people gotta be more careful about posting stuff.
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19 years of my life and iapos;ve never felt this worst before.
iapos;ve never felt so defeated before in _______.�
iapos;m started to grow hatred for ________.
the feelings getting stronger and stronger each day.
i even dreamt about it last night and break down when i woke up.
i simply canapos;t accept the fact that __________ than me
i hate it
i feel like ______ away from ______.
i feel like acting ignorance.
sorry i just feel like ranting and i just wish to keep this to myself so donapos;t waste your effort trying to sound me out for the above content.
pardon me if iapos;m feeling moody these few days.
thats just me, elaine.
�

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Do we give in to fear or do we keep going.I always said i wouldnapos;t "need" but i am starting to "need" Some days a simple word will do, but some days i need to be held, to know that im ok, to feel wanted and needed in return.
As an "evolved" human being i have always told myself that i was self sufficient,that my submission was entirely of my own choosing,that i could live my life alone if i needed to.Suddenly the basis for all these beliefs has been shaken.The rug has been swiped out from underneath me and im sitting on my ass wondering how to stand up again.
But you know what it feels great.Iapos;m reminded of one of those nature videos about penguins,you know the onesThe poor solitary penguin wandering through the blizzard,he is doing fine but damn does he look cold.Then he stumbles onto the rest of the penguins and suddenly he just looks like another warm cozy penguin
I also worry about disappointing her,i know she is going through some stuff right now and i want to tell her that im here, that whatever she needs i want to give....i think im going to sit down and talk about it with her i want desperately for her to be "OK"
On a good note i was instructed to start writing again, Wednesday night I wrote a couple of pages and it felt good.I have let that slip for far too long now
-g-
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..Iapos;m just gonna throw out the money and get the VnV ticket, and see as much of the show as I can. I havenapos;t missed a show since I learned about them, and itapos;s one of the expediences each time seeing a crowd of individuals morph into a shared human consciousness, without mind altering substances.(Yes there are people there that are high or drunk, but not that many)
Will be interesting to see if the LA crowd does the same thing.

Car alarms-if it goes off 3 times out of 5 nights, you need to turn the sensitivity down DAMMIT Getting woken up in the wee hours after you went to sleep in the wee hours is not fun asshat And they need to have setting on the alarm that it turns off after 10.

Went out to get supplies for movie, and got all the wrong coloured blood. Oh well, will go exchange it tomorrow.
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Not making good word count the last couple of days, and I wonapos;t today either. Part of this comes from the fact that I do need to re-outline the remaining few days of my WIP. And I keep putting that off.

I think another part is that Iapos;m suffering a bad case of prognostojection for a few of my stories out there. And thereapos;s nothing I can do about that.
hope-despair-hope-despair-hope-despair-hope-despair-hope-despair-hope-despair-

Went to the library (which will be closed next week) to check out books on horse racing, Irish myth, and turn of the centruy fashion. Imogen may be short on money at the moment, but she still has good clothes.

Iapos;ll count on research to distract me until the prognostojection cycle ends.
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